Sidekick or Hero?

I wonder which came first.

I'm not saying I'm a hero but my dog died before thanksgiving '08 and I really felt like I lost a sidekick. Only she was trying to be Kato, and I was trying to be inspector gadget. I was so hoping she could be Brain! Nope.

Even so, we got along. More, we trusted each other. OK. not so unusual for a dog to trust a human but I trusted her too. Not to feed me and provide shelter so much, but I trusted her to put her head in my lap and not bite my crotch, and she never did god bless her. Shes in a better place now. Better than my crotch, I don't know if such a place exists but that's what you say about those who have gone to fight evil in another dimension. (Last Starfighter)

Is it weird that I am laughing and sobbing at the same time as I write this?

She was pure athlete. Seriously, she was stupid. You can't be physically adept and smart. Sorry kids, this world won't allow it. People think they are dexterous and smart but alas, no. Some are graceful and stupid, others are clumsy and delusional but never the twain has never met.

It doesn't matter. They too will die.

We'll all die. That is the rub, aint it? If you are reading this, you'll die. If you have felt joy, you'll die. If you have felt pain, you'll die. If you have felt nothing. . . you too will die you nihilist piece of shit.

I fucking hate nihilists.

Thank god they will all die.

That actually makes me feel good! Wow. And I bet you that when the nihilists die My Dog Katy will bite them and persecute them and make them feel! with her New Hero because its not me and (b00m!) I am sad again.

(sigh)

How does this work exactly? Is there like an owners manual for loss that doesn't involve a lot of thought . . . or loss? Can you sort of absolve yourself of the burdens of being, without actually ceasing to exist?

Of course no.

Nothing magical here or anywhere else. If you live and exist you become close to things and beings and some will break, others will die and then one day you too go. Perish. Behind you trashed and wrecked beautiful soulful wonderous pieces of magic. Six of them may portage your vessel over the ground for you but you are already gone. The depths your body will eventually find, it will find without you.

Blah blah blah. Whatevs. It almost feels like this started being written for people so fucking fuck your bloody fuck cunt. Now I'll never let no ne read this and pain be private and repressed like god intended.

Stupid world.